... for nothing.

The stupid meeting turned out to be about authorizations. Marcella just wanted everyone to know exactly what their duties are.

And I'm glad that happened. Except that now, I'm not doing the job of two people. I'm doing the job of three. Iris decided that she would like ALL of the physical therapy authorizations to be done through our office at East Street. Which basically translates into "Juanita is going to do them."

Great. I'm working three jobs for a whopping $12.50 an hour.

Stupid Meeting__________

Friday, May. 13, 2005 - 6:13 am

The shit has really hit the fan at work. There has been a series of meetings, complaints, conversations, and events that have all lead to what's going to happen about 6 hours from now.

Cindy, Monica, and I are supposed to meet with Marcella. Only Monica knows what it's about and she's not telling. Monica and I haven't exactly been friendly lately. And what I don't understand is what Marcella has anything to do with what's going on. But apparently she does.

Here's the thing in a nutshell-- I told Cindy, privately, that Monica stops working as soon as Cindy leaves at 1pm. She will sit and chat on her cell phone or be on the internet. I won't lie, I do the internet thing to, but I'll do it for 15 minutes, which would be considered a break. And I don't do it every single day. Especially now that we're so busy. Anyhow, I found out from Cindy that I'm not the only one who has made this comment. She has heard it from Robin, Lynn, and Lorelei in the past as well.

So worst case scenario, Monica told Marcella something that I was doing, possibly the internet, and I'm going to get written up or fired. Best case scenario, it has nothing to do with what's going on. Either way, I've been nervous as hell since the meeting was announced. I have a resume I'm sending out today but the ad has been on the internet for a while. Chances are the position is already gone, but it doesn't hurt to try.

I'll update on what happened at the meeting later tonight.

A Happy Sore__________

Sunday, May. 08, 2005 - 10:14 pm

My legs and thighs are such a happy sore. Such a happy, yummy sore. Last nights activities really did a number on my muscles, even though I got very little gratification from the whole thing. If any at all. Thank Jason for that. But just the thought that I was able to leave that apartment, knowing that I would probably never hear from him again, and not being upset about it, just totally makes me gitty! Wahoo!

It was Mother's Day today, and all I got my mom were flowers. She's hard to shop for, and lately, mom and I haven't really been on the up and up. And the thing is, there really isn't any specific reason. The fault lies in me. I can admit that. I'm moody. I'm a bitch, and she's the easiest target. I really need to stop that, and be thankful for everything she does for me. And everything she is to me.

Since I slept all of four hours last night, I took a nice long nap this afternoon. My mom and dad left to go have lunch with my aunt and uncle over at Sara and Miguel's house. My brother and I joined them later. I had such a fun time playing with Bubba. First there was the little math lessons, and him telling me how plants grow during our meal. Then we played pool. Then the torture began, just messing around playing with money and tickling. I love that darn kid so much. And lastly we played catch before my brother and I finally headed for home.

I have to make an effort, when I have no plans, to go and visit Sara. She's often home by herself on weekends with the kids, since she's not working, and she's very much pregnant. I have nothing else to do, and she's easy to talk to. I'm thinking she's having a girl, and I've been right about her last two kids. But like Miguel said: There's always a 50/50 percent chance that you'll be right.

Slut-Bomb__________

Sunday, May. 08, 2005 - 6:10 am

Could I be any more of one? Probably. I went to Jason's house last night, after he called to ask me to come over and smoke with him, or watch a movie. So I did. But that lead to sex again. And not even good sex. He couldn't stay hard. That situation so wasn't feeding my ego, but hey. He was blaming it on his medications and whatnot. But whatever.

He took the little blue pill, and we made the mistake of starting to have a conversation. I brought up what had happened last time, being much more alert than the time before. But I wasn't angry. I was more apathetic to what he was telling. My mind was screaming to just say "Oh, cry me a river, you big baby. What you did to me was 10 times worse!" But of course, I didn't say anything of the kind.

But I did exact a little tiny smidgen of revenge. After he took the pill, and he started to get hard, I decided it was about time to go to home anyhow. I apologized, and told him that next time maybe he should take the pill even before I get there. Stupid right there, but who says I can't have fun with him?

There is no longer an emotional attachment, even in the slightest form. I see it as a little more like "friends with benefits."

He said he would call, but I doubt that he will. We shall see.

Oh, aside from that, I went to see one of Bubba's little baseball games. I think their team lost, but there was no score keeping. He did hit a double though. Who's the next little Eric Chavez?? Woohoo!

"Now batting, number 10, Miguel Navarro!"

Ahh, I can hear it now.

Behind Again__________

Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2005 - 6:52 am

Why do I keep doing this? I wait so long to write. But lately I haven't been much for writing, despite having no shortage of things to say.

JT, my beloved fatty, is missing. This is day 3. We've called the nearby Humane Societies, and nothing. He's never been away for this long, and I miss him so much. I spent a good chunk of yesterday having to retreat to the bathroom at work to have myself a cry. And sleep hasn't come easily. I just lie awake and hope to hear that adorable little squeeking sound he makes when he's running into my room. And I pray that he'll come back. That he's just wandering around or visiting neighbors and that nothing happened to him. He was my favorite. And I was his. I miss him so much.

Aside from that, I spoke with my father, and father only since mother wouldn't take it too well. We spoke regarding the possibility of me moving out. He didn't look happy but remained calm, explaining that he wouldn't like it, but he couldn't really stop me. A lot of the points that he made make a lot of sense, but that doesn't change things. He says I'm always welcome in this home, but what if I never get married? Does he still want me living in his garage when I'm a 35 year-old spinster? Maybe he does, but I sure as heck don't. I need my own life. And I don't think I'll get it here.

And he used the emotional state I was in yesterday to kind of push his point home that he doesn't want me to leave. The almight king of the guilt trip. I came home and realised, yet again, that JT wasn't home and started crying uncontrollably. I was in my room kind of staring at the wall, and my dad came in. He told me it would be okay, and just doing the dad thing. I love him for that. But then he said that what I'm feeling now, he would feel ten times worse if I decided to leave. Great. No guilt there. No one deserves to feel like I did yesterday, and like I probably will again today when I get home.

But like I told my dad before, no decisions will be made until I return from Seattle in June. I don't even know if I will like the place, and the financial situation isn't getting any better for me. The car payment still takes up a huge hunk of money, and the credit card bills eat the rest. I have no savings. Eeek! But we shall see.